


Hold you close, enjoy you more

by breakinggrace



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Communication, Eventual Smut, Feminization, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M, Mostly Fluff, michael guerin deserves the world, so does alex manes, they're good at communicating now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:21:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23238391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breakinggrace/pseuds/breakinggrace
Summary: Alex finds something of Michael's when he picks up something from the airstream. Something he wasn't expecting. They talk about it.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 2
Kudos: 121





	Hold you close, enjoy you more

**Author's Note:**

> This literally would not leave my head. I don't even think this is good but I needed to write something and put it somewhere so it could live somewhere outside of my brain, I'm working on more. I hope this is also something you all wanted to see. 
> 
> Michael is soft and sweet and Alex can be soft and sweet to him. They went to therapy and they figured shit out, is what I'm saying.

Alex looked down at his phone in the SUV cup holder, Michael’s name flashing across the screen with an incoming call, he flicked his index finger across the screen to pick up.

“Hey babe, I’m on my way back – what’s up?” Even to his own ears his voice sounded hoarse and drenched in exhaustion.

Alex had put in a fourteen-hour shift in the bunker, he’d been working for weeks to crack a particularly complex encryption on one of the newer Project Shepherd files. He hadn’t been able to bring himself to stop even though his body was paying for it now. His shoulders and back ached, and even though he’d been responsible and taken off his prosthetic his stump still felt swollen and stiff. He wanted to get back to his place as quickly as possible, back to Michael, eat a meal and drift off to sleep with his boyfriend plastered against his back.

“Fuck, you sound tired” Michael said, he drawled it out but his voice was tinged with concern.

Alex’s mouth twitched up in a smile.

“I am tired, but it’s alright, this is nowhere near the longest I’ve been awake. I’ll manage. You need something?”

“I was going to ask you to stop by the airstream on your way home, but now I’m worried you’re going to fall asleep at the wheel. I’ll handle it later don’t worry.” He could hear Michael rummaging around with something in the kitchen.

“You got dinner ready for me?” Alex asked.

Michael huffed a little laugh on the other end of the line, Alex could hear his smile from over the phone and it made his stomach bloom with warmth. Since they’d figured it out all those months ago and gotten together he’d been pleasantly surprised to learn that Michael was a pretty incredible cook.

He basically vibrated with excitement when he got to put out a meal in front of Alex and watch him eat it. Sometime he wouldn’t even touch his own food until Alex had finished eating his own serving, intent on watching him for his reaction to every bite.

He’d teased him about it after the first couple of times - Michael had blushed, shrugged his shoulder and looked up at him from behind a lock of his beautiful curls. “It makes me happy to make things you like” he’d said. Alex had all but thrown himself into Michael’s lap after that.

“Course I do” he replied, his voice sweet and soft. The fondness made Alex want to step on the gas and floor it all the way back to his place. To the warmth of whatever Michael was preparing, the warmth of the fireplace, the warmth of their bed.

Alex glanced up at a highway marker. He was only about 10 miles out of Roswell, and only about a two-minute drive from Michael’s airstream. It was silly for him not to just stop now and save Michael the trip, no matter how badly he wanted to be home.

“I’m basically at Sanders' right now, what do you need me to get?” he said as he flicked on his right-hand blinker to pull onto the dirt road that lead to the entrance of the junkyard.

Something about this place still tugged at his heartstring. Michael barely spent any time here anymore other than work, but it still felt like such an intrinsic part of his being – it held so much of their history.

“You’re the best. I have a few notepads with some calculations I’ve been working on – I forgot to grab them the other day before I made my way over. They should be sitting on top of the dresser beside the bed. Just grab both pads and I’ll have a plate of chili waiting for you by the time you get here.”

They hung up as Alex approached the airstream. He couldn’t help but roll his eyes as the door to the trailer swung open as soon as he pulled the handle. Even though Michael had moved everything alien related to the secure workspace below the trailer - would it kill him to lock a door? Alex made a mental note to give him shit about it later.

He stepped inside and immediately saw the notepads Michael was talking about, he grabbed them quickly not wanting to prolong this detour more than necessary, but not before his eyes caught a flash of red in the drawer. He stood there, stunned for a second before reaching in. He knew he was invading Michael privacy and that it was wrong but he couldn’t stop himself. He felt his stomach drop to his feet. Blood rushed in his ears as he pulled out a pair of candy red, lace trimmed, satin panties.

Women’s fucking underwear.

Alex sat down on the bed, his pulse thumping heavily in his throat.

_Cheating. Cheating. Cheating._

He felt bile rise up in his mouth. His eyes searched around frantically for a matching bra, any other article of clothing that would indicate a woman had been here. He clutched the panties hard in his hand, pressing the heel of his hands tightly into his eyes to ground himself.

Alex wracked his brain for any moments in time in the past five months where there would have been an opportunity for Michael to sneak away. How would it even be possible? They hadn’t spent a single night apart since they’d decided this was worth trying. Michael was constantly hungry for Alex’s attention and space and had all but moved into his place, except for a few sparse pieces of clothing still in the trailer.

And apparently, these bright red fucking panties.

Alex pressed his fingers into the bridge of his nose, breathing slowly in an attempt to keep himself from spiraling out of control.

It was only then that he realized something sharp was digging into his right palm.

Alex slowly unfurled his hand to realize there was still a tag on them, and they were a size large.

Alex blinked, his mind slowly turning over the variables he was working with.

Large? Definitely not Maria’s, she was an extra-small at best. Still with a tag, so it wasn’t someone who had physically been here. Michael must have bought them for someone? Isobel? He shook his head at that thought. First of all, gross. And second of all, still not the same size. And then it clicked.

These were Michael’s.

His blood started thumping in his ears again, but for a completely different reason than a few minutes ago. Alex swallowed.

Huh.

He flinched hard as his phone started vibrating, Michael’s name bright across the screen. Shit, he must have been here for a while. He quickly shoved the panties back in the drawer, grabbed the notepads and scrambled out of the door.

\-----

“You almost done in there?” Michael called out from the bed.

Alex stared at himself in the mirror as he rinsed with mouthwash. Sure, he’d taken a bit more time than necessary to remove his prosthetic. He’d added an extra step or two to his skincare routine, and this was the second time he’d brushed his teeth.

He knows he’s acting weird, he knows Michael can sense it. He’d known right away that something off. Michael had kind of cocked his head at him as soon as he’d stepped in the doorway, like he could just smell that Alex wasn’t quite right. He had brushed it off quickly to being tired and had gratefully sat down and eaten dinner. It had satiated Michael only briefly, Alex had felt his eyes on him for the rest of the night. Just observing, looking.

Alex wiped off his face, grabbed his crutch and stepped into the bedroom. He was met with Michael sitting at the edge of the bed, shirtless and in a pair of boxers, his hands twisted tightly in his lap – his eyes shot up as soon as Alex was in view.

Alex almost audibly gasped at how pained Michael looked. _Fuck._

“Did I do something wrong? Alex, please tell me, I don’t know how to fix it if I don’t even know what I did” he gasped, his voice high and anxious and brows furrowed in what looked like _agony_. Alex could see the shine of tears pooling at the edge of his eyes.

“Oh, baby no. No. You did nothing wrong” Alex said, quickly taking a seat beside Michael and pulling him into his side, nestling him into the crook of his neck and looping an arm protectively around his back. He felt the crushing need to immediately sooth whatever pain Michael was in, especially because it was _his_ doing.

Michael let out a small shuddery breath and tucked himself further into Alex, putting as much skin as possible against him. It made him want to burst into tears. He stroked his hand up and down his back, letting Michael regain some of his composure.

“Why have you been so weird all night? You sounded so excited to get back when we were on the phone, and then you got home…and…you’ve barely touched me.” His voice sounded watery and small, it made Alex’s chest tighten.

How could he have been so stupid? After so many years of the only physical contact ever being a beating or a drunken hook up devoid of intimacy, Michael craved being touched. Cared for. Even Alex’s hand resting on his knee as they watched TV made him hum with content. He had never wanted to deprive Michael of touch.

Alex let out a breath as he pushed Michael back away from him, he could hear the small sound of protest as he did so.

“Not to push you away, just to look at you.”

Michael blinked his beautiful honey brown eyes up at him expectantly. He mercifully didn’t look as distressed as a few minutes ago but Alex needed to quell whatever thoughts were swimming under those beautiful curls. He leaned in to kiss him, pressing his lips firmly but gently against Michael’s. Michael whined as he pressed back, he clutched on to Alex’s forearms as they grounded themselves against each other.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to do that to you. It wasn’t on purpose.” He said a little breathlessly as they separated for air. He pushed Michael gently back on the bed so he could drape himself over his chest, trying to make up for the contact he’d unknowingly denied Michael all night, his head propped up with his right arm as his left hand came up to stroke Michael’s cheek.

Michael smiled, his right hand coming up to press Alex’s hand against his mouth. Planting a kiss on his knuckles. He seemed settled, satisfied with the answer. Alex’s heart hammered against his chest as he realized that Michael just…trusted him. Trusted him that it was the whole truth.

“So, what is it then? There has to be something on your mind. You’ve been up for twenty-four hours before and still wanted to tear my clothes off.” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively. Alex rolled his eyes, feeling Michael’s chest shake with a chuckle underneath him.

Alex sighed. Here it comes.

“I, uh, I found something in your trailer.” He started “It was a total invasion of privacy….and I am so fucking sorry. I don’t know why I did it and you have every right to be upset with me for going through your things” He let out a breath. “I saw what was in the top drawer of your dresser.” His tongue felt thick and dry in his mouth at the admission.

He felt Michael tense up underneath him. His eyes shot up to meet Michael’s. His face was flaming red, worrying at his lower lip with his teeth. But he didn’t make Alex move off of him.

“So, you went through my stuff” Michael said evenly, it wasn’t a question.

Now it was Alex’s turn to flush with embarrassment.

“Michael, I’m so sorry. I didn’t actively go searching through your things, I honestly was only grabbing the notepads but….”

“You saw the...you saw them.”

Alex swallowed thickly. Should he be moving off of Michael? Relegating himself to the couch for the night? Maybe for the week?

Alex looked up to meet his eyes, to his surprise Michael didn’t look angry. He was searching his face, looking for something.

“Yeah.”

“Do you stand by what you said earlier? That I did nothing wrong?” His voice was steely, a bit on the defensive side, but Alex could hear the vulnerability underneath it. He knew Michael too well to not be able to tell when he was fronting.

Alex kept his eyes locked on his as he replied.

“Yes. Of course, I mean it.”

Michael hummed. Alex felt his arm being tugged further up the bed, and he let himself be placed face to face with Michael.

“I am pissed at you” Michael said, propping himself up on his right arm. “You shouldn’t have gone through my shit, I wouldn’t ever do that to you.” Alex’s face flamed with embarrassment.

He felt Michael run the back of his knuckles against his cheekbone, he looked up and saw a soft expression on Michael’s face.

Alex cocked an eyebrow softly at him. Inviting more of a verbal lashing, one he certainly deserved.

Michael huffed, his eyes darting away for a second. When his gaze returned back, it was still soft but he seemed guarded. Alex wanted to reach up and kiss it off him until he was breathless and begging for more. _Not the time_ he thought to himself.

“We’re going to talk about it. But I don’t want to right now. Right now, I want to sleep. And I want to sleep pressed up against you.”

Alex sighed with relief, lying flat down on his back pulling Michael down to curl up against his side. He reached over to flick off the bedside lamp, tightening his arms around Michael’s torso as he did so. Michael let out a breath and tucked himself against Alex’s chest, giving him a small squeeze in return. Alex pressed a kiss to the top of his head, breathing in his warm scent.

They lay there for a few minutes, Michael’s thumb brushing idly down over his ribcage. His fingers worrying at Alex’s shirt. Clutching it and then letting it go, like he was trying to lull himself into a rhythm.

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?” Alex whispered, his voice muffled by Michael’s hair.

Michael let out a breath, he felt tense beside him. Not like he used to be, taught like a spring ready to fling himself out of Alex’s arms, his bed. He swallowed over the lump in his throat. Not like when Michael felt like he always had to be ready to take flight from Alex’s life at any moment.

“Is it…” Michael started, he paused on an exhale, clutched himself a little tighter to Alex’s side. Alex returned the touch, pulling him in closer.

“Is it going to make you leave?” It was barely a whisper.

Alex whimpered and sat up so he could bracket Michael in his arms, lying his entire body weight over him and anchoring him to the bed, to the moment. Michael let out a beautiful sigh as Alex settled his weight on him, his arms looping around his lower back to pull him in closer. Alex could see his eyes glistening in the moonlight, gazing up at him with reservation. He was so beautiful, so fragile. So perfect. Alex clutched his cheek and jaw with his left hand.

“There is not a single thing in this world that would make me leave you. I would move heaven and earth if it meant being with you.” Alex made sure they were looking directly at each other as he spoke, Michael’s eyes glistened.

“Do you believe me?” Alex reached up to wipe a few tears that had fallen from Michael's eyes as he furiously nodded. Alex needed the reassurance this time, so many times he’d broken Michael’s heart. So many times, he’d been careless and reckless when he should have tender and attentive. He needed to hear that Michael knew it was different this time.

“I believe you.” He said, his voice heavy and choked but with a laugh ringing at the end as Alex buried his face into Michael’s neck, pressing kisses against his throat, leaning up to press a chaste one against his mouth.

He smiled and willingly went along as Michael arranged them so he was half covered by Michael’s body. It was going to be entirely too hot all night, but Alex only clutched on tighter as he felt Michael, now content with their sleep arrangement, fall into a deep and solid sleep beside him.

Heaven and earth. Heaven paled in comparison to sharing a bed with Michael Guerin.


End file.
